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2001 Stock Market Dictionary

 

 

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Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower

Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance and the wife gets no jewelry

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the corner store for toilet paper and cigarettes

Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks

Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet

Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail

Cisco - Side kick of Poncho

Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $340 per share

Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $340 per share

Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house

Put Option - Your broker advises that the option you put your house on just expired and you blew $50,000. However you still have the option of jumping off a building or a bridge

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan

Alan Greenspan - God